I've been going over my discipleship study for this Friday and have been especially attentive because I'm leading this time. It's been a powerful lesson. Some of these just take me to a deep place and a shift in thinking; this is one of those lessons.
But there is a down side as well. This has fanned the flame of my longing for a different type of Christian community. Don't get me wrong, we have a wonderful new pastor who's a great speaker and committed leadership. So many good things are at the church and real ministry is happening. It's me that's changing.
In church on Sunday, I was thinking that yes, he's a great speaker, great messages. Usually there's one or two things that I don't quite connect with, but when I do connect with a message and know it's good and still feel discontent...then something more than a Sunday Morning message is going on. I was thinking at that moment, that I was tired of the old normal church thing. No matter how good a speaker is, I want to have less lecture and more time hearing from others, getting the heartbeat of where we are all at.
Tonight, as I was doing my lesson, that longing came back strongly. The study focused on the body of Christ with the passage in 1 Corinthians chapter 12.
Even if you say that because I am not such and such and don't want to be a part of the body, you are still a part of the body.
Each part is equal in importance, even the parts that need to be treated with special modesty.
The body needs me just as I am, right now, warts and all.
If we all acted accordingly, played no favorites, each did our part with confidence, all the while taking our direction from Christ, what would that look like?
I've no idea. I don't see it happening right now. Maybe it's because I've recently been wounded by the church that I can't see it. Or perhaps, I'm looking only at the church and not the Christian body as a whole.
But I want to see it, I want to be a part of that church body. I am longing for it, so much that I spent some time telling God how much I wanted that. He didn't seem to have any answers (okay, I didn't actually ask him a question). But I have this feeling that I'm on a journey to see what the body of Christ can really look like when it is healthy and whole.