I've been cranky and complaining, and wish sometimes that I didn't have to be around myself. Maybe it's partly the weather or the stress of the Mission trip or that the women's retreat is coming up and it brings back bad feelings or it could even things that I think should go well aren't going well.
I was talking to A about it today and she helped me to work through some things. It all seems to come down to stress and me not being able to spend time and energy or have a margin around me. To top it off, my quiet times have been short, when I've had them.
I came home tonight kind of sad but a little better and then I had and had urge to read my Bible. Where is it? Was the first thing I asked. I found it and flipped to where I left off before and started reading out loud, starting with Nehemiah chapter 8. The exiles were returning and were being read the Law (the scriptures) by the priests in this day of celebration. Ezra opened up the book, praised God and the people shouted Amen. What did I have to lose? I shouted "Amen" too. Then it said the people bowed down and worshiped.
This made me pause. If I Amened, then I should do that to. Oh well, it's in my own home, no one can see me being silly. I lay down on the floor and as soon as I did, I started crying. I've no idea why I felt like crying, but it seemed as if it's what I needed to do. I praised God again and left my own issues and concerns and concentrated on the praising. And crying. The phone rang. Hubby is coming home.
When I came back, I took up the Bible again and decided to continue reading. The priests were helping the people understand what God's word was saying and then they said, "this day is sacred to the Lord your God. Do not mourn or weep." That made me want to cry. Why, I don't know.
It went on to command the people to eat choice food and drink sweet drinks and again not to grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.
I've been learning that things like this aren't coincidences. What happened, here, really? For one thing, I praised God in the midst of my circumstances and went to Him for help. And most importantly, I think God is wanting me to read more of the Bible. Duh, like I needed an epiphany for that.
But then again, I am dense sometimes.
Good bye cranky woman, I hope I don't see you for awhile.